Rubor Dolor Calor Tumor

I had my flu shot today. Well, my anti flu shot. Protected me and my patients from death for another year. Whew.

I wonder if you are one of those dumb asses who do not get the flu shot each year. Yes. Dumb Ass. Big D, big A. You may be allergic to the vaccine, you may have had Guillain Barre, in which case I will cut you some slack. But if you don’t have those conditions and you work in health care and you don’t get a vaccine for one of the following reasons, you are a dumb ass.

1. The vaccine gives me the flu. Dumb ass. It is a killed vaccine. It cannot give you the influenza. It is impossible to get flu from the influenza vaccine.

2. I never get the flu, so I don’t need the vaccine. Irresponsible dumb ass. I never had a car accident, but I wear my seat belt. And you probably don’t use a condom either. So far you have been lucky, and you are a potential winner of a Darwin Award.

3. Only old people get the flu. Selfish dumb ass. Influenza can infect anyone, and one of the groups who die of influenza are the very young. Often those most likely to die from influenza are those least able, due to age or underlying diseases, to respond to the vaccine. You can help prevent your old, sickly Grandmother or your newborn daughter from getting influenza by getting the vaccine, so you do not get flu and pass it one to her.

4. I can prevent influenza or treat it by taking echinacea, vitamin C or airborne. Gullible dumb ass cubed then squared. None of these concoctions has any efficacy what so ever against influenza. They neither prevent nor treat influenza.

5. Flu isn’t all that bad a disease. Underestimating dumb ass. Part of the problem with the term flu is that it is used both as a generic term for damn near any viral illness with a fever and is also used for a severe viral pneumonia. Medical people are just as inaccurate about using the term as the general public. The influenza virus kills 30,000 people and leads to hospitalization of 200,000 in the US each year. Influenza is a nasty lung illness. And what is stomach ‘flu’? No such thing.

6. I am not at risk for flu. Denying dumb ass. If your breathe, you are risk for influenza. Here are the groups of people who should not get the flu vaccine (outside of people with severe adverse reactions to the vaccine): children younger than 6 months and “completely healthy adults who have no contact with someone who isn’t [healthy] (Medscape).” And zombies. And former President Clinton, who evidently doesn’t inhale.

7. The vaccine is worse than the disease. Dumb ass AND a wimp. What a combination. Your mother must be proud. Unless you think a sore deltoid for a day is too high a price to pay to prevent two weeks of high fevers, severe muscles aches, and intractable cough.

8. I had the vaccine last year, so I do not need it this year. Uneducated dumb ass. Each year new stains of influenza circulate across the world. Last years vaccine at best provides only partial protection. Every year you need a new shot.

9. The vaccine costs too much. Cheap dumb ass. The vaccine costs less than a funeral, less than the Tamiflu, less than a week in the hospital.

10. The government puts tracking nanobots in the vaccine and well as RFID chips as part of the mark of the beast, and the vaccine doesn’t work since it is part of a big government sponsored conspiracy to line the pockets of big pharma and inject the American sheeple with exotic new infections. Well, that excuse is at least reasonable. Paranoid dumb ass.

So get vaccine. Or be a dumb ass.

One of these days I’ll let you know how I really feel about the flu vaccine.

mcrislip Virus